Hall of Ich-theology

Fish Worship: Is it Wrong?
Fish Worship
by Ray Troll, 1990

 

To those who might be interested in the origin of all things,

I was greatly moved when I was asked to assume the chairmanship of the Department of Ich-theology at the Hairy Museum of Natural History. At first I thought the challenge might be too great for an artistically inclined fellow like myself, but I looked deep into my inner sole and knew that it was a calling to a higher purpose that I could not refuse. It was a personal test put to me to help spread the good word of Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace, and I could not let it pass. I humbly accepted the position.

Upon assuming my duties as a man of science however I soon noticed a lack of pomp and circumstance in the dry world of museum curatorship. We who seek the truth buried in the rocks of the earth are also spiritual men and women, and it was soon obvious to me that a scientific prayer encompassing the vast history of life should be formulated and shared with the world at large.

I turned to HMNH's esteemed director Matt Celeskey and put the task to him. He quickly concurred that there was a pressing need for a universal evolutionist's axiom and wrote the first of many drafts. I assisted in the task where I could, helping to massage the language, and to make it more palatable to the masses in general. I applaud his efforts and hope that you will agree.

We at HMNH therefore submit the following 'Evolutionist's Prayer' (AKA the Miocene Creed) to be spoken aloud at solemn events and/or joyful and momentous occasions. The hard working staff at HMNH, ever ready for an excuse to get down and party wildly, suggest Darwin's Day, February 12, as a good day to kick out the jams and get in touch with your inner fish. The complete prayer takes about 5 minutes to enunciate aloud. If you're worried about losing your audience and want to hurry it along, you may merely recite the opening and closing stanzas.

Submitted respectfully,

Ray Troll
Curator of Ich-theology
HMNH

 

Special Bonus Item!
Chain of Being MP3
Right-click the link above to download this trip down Phylogeny Lane—a wonderful piece of music composed by Russell Wodehouse around an interview Ray conducted with Dr. Jacques Gauthier, a man who can really let you know where you're coming from. Off the 1995 CD Dancing to the Fossil Record, on the Evolve label.
5.5 MB .mp3
© Copyright 1995 R. A. Wodehouse.

 

© Copyright 2004 Ray Troll, except where otherwise noted. All rights reserved.