Hairy Museum of Natural History

Whilst writing up that last post about Tanystropheus‘ hefty backside, I came across this French site (English translation here) offering up free horoscopes based on the prehistoric zodiac. They claim that of all the astrological systems, this one is “the most primitive, certainly the ancestor of all the others.” And all you need to know is the time of your birth in order to access your “prédiction antédiluvienne.”

Who am I to refuse, eh?

Turns out I was born under the sign of Tanystropheus! Well, that might explain my fondness for obscure Triassic Reptilia. And sushi. And I guess I’ll have to be careful not to let my butt get too much wider…let’s see what my horoscope has to say:

Aw, jeez. Commentary like that sure isn’t going to help my self-esteem. Still I wonder, could it be accurate? Can a cheap French parlor trick based on grotesque stereotypes of long-dead animals actually shed some light onto my true nature? No, of course not. Such a thing would be patently ridiculous. Or…am I being too eager to dismiss the hidden truths of my existence, truths that I am deathly afraid to face? I just don’t know anymore, and my head is beginning to hurt…

Some days I wonder what the point of it all is. I’m going back to bed.

—Matt Celeskey.

File under: Paleo-Pop.